Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
