I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
