Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
