I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
When did angry sex become our thing?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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