Swine flu. Run for my life!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
