I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
