Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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