i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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