Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
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I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
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coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
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