Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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