MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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