My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
