I feel great
I just peed on a car
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
