We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
