i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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