I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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