I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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