Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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