Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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