I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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