Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
