Please, let me fuck your mom
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
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