It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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