Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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