I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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