I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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