I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
