Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
