I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
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He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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