He is an equal opportunity slut.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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