you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
