im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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