mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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