I want to make a zoo with you.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
