I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
