I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
