Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
