While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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