You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
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Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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