Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
