Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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