I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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