i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
