More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
