Just fell off a train. Bad.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
even my farts smell like vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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