You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
