I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The feeling are messing with the penis
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
