omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
