you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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