My sheets look like a crime scene.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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