i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
