I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
