Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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