Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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