So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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