she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
