i just wanna soil my oats bro
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
