2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
