i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
