Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I smell like Dick and happiness
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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