I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
