I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
