I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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